i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
