dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
