i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
