I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
