Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
