friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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