how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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