I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
