As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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