You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
