just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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