Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
