I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am one with the molecules
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.