where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm