her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?