some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.