the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.