We're facebook friends in real life
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
