using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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