I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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