: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
