Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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