You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
