Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
