you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
