who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
