Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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