I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
