he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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