you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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