I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
