Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
