Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
