I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
