dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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