Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
