people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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