theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
