He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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