we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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