did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
