if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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