I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
