it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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