He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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