if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
