quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
