The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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