While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
