oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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