So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
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I don't deserve a penis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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