he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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