Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No subtext here. People are naked.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
