Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
