PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
