New low: just hacked my moms facebook
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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