Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
