and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
