If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
