I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
