hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We got so high we made milksteak
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
