you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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