pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
