it wasn't lemon gatorade
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
