Sponge bath it is.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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