I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
